Birthday Card: You know what birthdays and sex have in common?
Well, I'm not going to tell you! You know why?? Because you didn't even bother to THINK about it, did you?!! Not even for a few measly seconds!!!! Nope........just opened RIGHT UP to the inside looking for the EASY PAYOFF!! Well, I hope you're PROUD of yourself! Because it's THAT kind of mentality that's letting foreign competition kick our industrial butts!
The following is an actual question given on a university-left unnamed-chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it's compressed or some variant One student however wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many are entering, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of theses religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law state that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. Hell expanding at a rate slower than the rate at which souls are entering Hell, thus temperature and pressure increase until "all Hell" breaks loose.
2. Hell is expanding at rate faster than increase of souls in Hell, thus temperature and pressure drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct............leaving only Heaven, thus proving existence of a divine being. Which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"
George Burns of Gracie Allen fame: "First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally, you forget to pull the zipper down."
Birthday Card: You know what birthdays and sex have in common?
Well, I'm not going to tell you! You know why?? Because you didn't even bother to THINK about it, did you?!! Not even for a few measly seconds!!!! Nope........just opened RIGHT UP to the inside looking for the EASY PAYOFF!! Well, I hope you're PROUD of yourself! Because it's THAT kind of mentality that's letting foreign competition kick our industrial butts!
Yeah, he’s going to be really old before he gets any.
The following is an actual question given on a university-left unnamed-chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it's compressed or some variant One student however wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many are entering, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of theses religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law state that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. Hell expanding at a rate slower than the rate at which souls are entering Hell, thus temperature and pressure increase until "all Hell" breaks loose.
2. Hell is expanding at rate faster than increase of souls in Hell, thus temperature and pressure drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct............leaving only Heaven, thus proving existence of a divine being. Which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"
Thanks for sharing and smiling.
Sent you this one did I not:
Just in case you had, or are at this moment having a bad day, a stress management technique.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one knows but you of this secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "The World."
5, The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6, The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
8. See, you are smiling!
Say good night, Gracie. Any original jokes? Why not enter?
George Burns of Gracie Allen fame: "First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally, you forget to pull the zipper down."